Justin time for a Castreau Christmas
Justin time for a Castreau Christmas
Parody, by Dan Fournier, Dec. 22, 2022, 09:25 EST on fournier.substack.com
‘Twas the night before Christmas, 1971. Maggie was feeling nauseous and nervous about the arrival of her first born.
The next day with Pierre at her side, a newborn boy emerged and the joy was palpable. Maggie was immediately enchanted by Justin’s charisma. She knew right away.
“Look at that nose! He looks nothing like me,” said Pierre angrily.
“Darling, of course he’s yours. Don’t you worry,” replied Maggie.
“I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone on that island!” retorted Pierre, continuing, “What will they make of him?”
“They’ll think he’s as charming as his father,” asserted the flower child mother.
At the WEF Shopping Mall, December 20, 2020.
After an hour waiting, Justin finally gets his turn to sit on the old man’s lap to convey his wish list.
“Ho ho ho. Well, what a handsome fellow there. Come sit right up here on Papa Klaus’ lap.”
“And what would you like for Christmas young man?”
“No Papa Klaus, my pronouns are No-C02, InAllOfUsCommand, and Fidelito.”
“I would like the ‘Young Commie-Revolutionary Builder Kit’ from Hasbro.”
“Oh, that’s a good one. My favorite too!”
“What’s that’s awful smell?” asked Papa Klaus.
“Sorry, must be zee crickets I had for lunch,” replied No-C02.
“Ouch! What was that Father Klaus?”
“Sorry, Fidelito. I didn’t mean to penetrate your rear cabinet.”
“It’s okay,” replied the young revolutionary.
Alone in his room on Christmas eve, Fidelito unwrapped the highly-sought gift, and began to strategize his 2-year plan meticulously.
“I’ll outshine my father and show ‘em what a real el Comandante is capable of,” he thought to himself.
Valentines Day, 2022
“Joyeuse Saint-Valentin ma chère Sophie,” affirmed the Prime Minister.
“Merci mon amour. What are you gifting me this year?” replied Sophie.
“I’ll take care of those fringe libertarians. Ces misérables racistes mysogines,” continuing “I’ll show them I’m my father’s son,” asserted the, much much much taller than his father Pierre, Justin.
“But you can’t invoke the Emergency Act just to ban truckers from protesting in Ottawa?”
“Just watch me,” replied Fidelito.
“Oh, I know you can pull it off Fidelito. Your father would be so proud.”
9 months later
On the eve of his testimony at the Public Order Emergency Commission, the young revolutionary was feeling anxious.
So, he decided to give one of his mentors, Papa Xi in his much-admired China, a call for some mucho-needed advice.
“Firstly, my good friend Justin, I must say I am most pleased that you took my prior advice to ensure you would have enough tanks to counter those unacceptable insurrectionists. Pinnochio Mendicino and Baldy Lametti did a wonderful job on that front!”
“Lie lie and deny,” were the words of wisdom added by the Chinese Emperor-for-Life. Continuing, “This always comes in handy in a Communist dictatorship.”
“And continue using your state-controlled media to set the record straight as we do, for it never fails,” added his Maoist mentor.
“Xie xie Papa Xi, I accept your eastern wisdom with reverence and appreciation,” replied the dictator-in-training.
The next day, Justin Castreau testifies “I did not call people who are unvaccinated names.”
December 25, 2022, a Castreau Christmas
After an exhausting year of scheming, Fidelito decided to invite his favorites for a splendorous Castreauite feast.
Papas Xi & Klaus, Pinnochio Mendicino, Baldy Lametti, and Trotskyava Freeland were all in attendance.
“Our two-year plan is a success. It is time to celebrate comrades. Before we feast, here are cigars for all of you, except for you my Deputy, for no one wants to see that!”
“Instead, my Deputy Trotskyava, you can enjoy this snow as is the usual custom before your jibber-jabber,” insisted the great leader.
Freeland couldn’t agree more, “Well, you know….it is Christmas, after all!”
As they all raise their glasses in one final toast, the proud leader declares “As we move forward with our next 2-year plan, I can assure you that I am indeed, my father’s son.”
THE END
Disclaimer: Rest assured, all allegations that Justin Trudeau is Fidel Castro’s son have been 100%, fully, debunked.
Oh Gosh. Please not another two years with this sad sack bunch of sowers of discord.
Excellent! :-)